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LV4.胡同居民

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发表于 2021-2-18 11:45:19 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
天色阴沉沉的,雨停了,刮风了,冷飕飕的。前几天穿短裤的姐们儿都穿上了羽绒服。而这段变化不过一周左右,让我觉得好像经历完了一个短暂的夏天之后又跳跃回了冬天的阴霾。这是与心情很有关系的,不是心情影响天气,永远是天气影响心情。

  昨天断网了,没有去立刻充费,发现这种做法有好处。首先,打开电脑老老实实的只能是写作业,没有了外在的诱惑。然后就是昨晚上破天荒的睡觉时间提前了,虽然没有睡,但是爬床的时间是大大提早了。

  爬床之前,我挂上小P3,用一只耳朵的耳机听歌,很老很老的歌,几年前的歌,趴在床上一动不想动,不想事情,不想流泪,只是很安静的听那些已经再也回不去的日子。回忆带来的苦乐没有尽头,望不回去的目光,只是静静的凭心潮泛滥,难以控制。没有洗漱,没有哀愁。这两点似乎说不到一处去。

  有时候特别不能理解自己,为什么总是不断的回望,不知道是不是现实中有太多我得不到的东西,所以只能靠回忆来汲取,这种做法一度让我很反感自己,总是有些不太乐观,不太上进,不太可爱。可是,我的确是个上进的人,这点毫无疑问。

  那天,突然间想起了三毛。这个女人的传奇,和她无与伦比的孤寂。如果敏感的过头的人,无论外世怎样繁华,也阻挡不了缺乏知己的忧思。那天,我问,三毛问什么会自杀,是不是因为把自己看的太清楚了所以感到了虚无?老师却回答:那恰恰是因为她迷失了自己。我把她想象为一只在撒哈拉独行的骆驼,最终在干涸的沙漠中迈动不了步伐了,可是沙漠如此之大,回头一看,也只是自己踽踽的脚步,再无来者。回路无望,前行无望。这是多么悲凉的猜想,我想,我对她可能有些许的冒犯了。说实话,我连一加上晚间即将公布的非农数据本完整的她的书都没读下来过,在这里妄言。

  一提三毛,就不得不提到张爱玲。这个女人也是,一个传说,我们不一样,不一样隆曦集团为您健康护航外人看来光圈笼罩,自己却是寂寞孤独的。我只读过她的一小篇作文,就是参赛的那篇《我的天才梦》,当时感觉太稀奇,感慨说怎么会有这样的人呢,出来了连回家的路都找不到!此后再没有涉猎她的任何著作,除了从他人嘴里知道的三两句名言,比如说“出名要趁早”。我有很多的时间,很多的机会去阅读她的东西。可是,我宁可去看通俗的要命的穿越小说。我不想毁了一个美丽的梦,了解的越多,失望的越大。对于任何东西都是如此。才华之如张爱玲,我不想往下看,反正读她们的人那么多,又何必在乎我一个?这样我就可以尽量的少妄言,少胡说八道。

  从现在我坐着的位置望去,窗外的桃花(和桃花很像,不知道是不是)在寒风中瑟瑟发抖,好多花朵没来得及开放就陨落了。真想学着三毛问一句:“记得当时年纪小,梦里花落知多少”?郭敬明就是这么做的,看起来收效非常好,他的书一直大卖。

  写书的人,到底是为什么让自己的书一点点的流出来的呢?清朝有个名士留下了一句话叫:读书都为稻梁谋。

  看来,生计问题是一大关键。
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Avogadro, Karrypto, Owen and Kadok Sao tome and principe

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